A couple of days ago, a pal of mine questioned my singlehood status. According to her I must be ‘damaged’ for me to love being single this much. Damaged in this context meaning having an ex who messed up so bad I swore off men! Thats when I realised that some people view singlehood as a punishment. How do you explain to them the peace it brings? How do you explain that you have passed that phase of having meaningless relationships? How do you let them know that being single is not a matter of looks, you may look like beyonce and still want to remain single! So instead of thinking that the singles around you need mending, I think you should see if your fear of being single is clouding your judgment!
Anuptaphobia is the fear of being single according to the urbandictionary. Would you rather be in an unfullfilling relationship than be single? Would you rather be with any Tom Dick and Harry than be single? Would your facebook status read `complicated’ rather than single? Then you my friend are likely to fall under this category.
There is a breed of people out there called the serial daters. These are those people who will have 3 relationships in a year. Those people who are never single and you have even lost track of how many relationships they have had since you knew them! Trust they never cheat, but once their relationship is over they have already established another out of fear of remaining single. I call them the relationship junkies!
Remember when I talked about having any Tom, Dick and Harry? Well I know someone who’ll date just about anyone who’ll ask her. But a couple of weeks later she becomes bored or the guy leaves her. Though you may site many other reasons for the shortness of the relationship I think that she rarely knows what she wants. I think that to get into a relationship you must know what you want from it, especially if you are past sixteen. You just don’t date anyone who did so much as look at you. Thats why there are so many broken relationships all round. Let not fear of ‘riding solo’ lead you to having a mate whom two months down the line gets you wondering what you saw in them.
A guy friend of mine always tells me,“there are very few good men left”. Good men here meaning, a guy who will not cheat, and may be he is right. Among all the other reasons, I think there is that fear of being alone. What if he had one girlfriend and she left him? So as insurance he dates two or more. But what he doesn’t realise is that his fear of being single might be one of the driving force of him never getting what he needs from relationships. Here is where I say, what you want and what you need are two different things!
Anuptaphobia like all other phobias has many triggers, it can be genetic, a result of something having occured in your earlier years etc. Though i am not a medical practitioner and may rely on google at times, I believe that our own fear should not cloud our judgment on how others have chosen to live their lives. Though I believe relationships are the building blocks of the human society, romantic relationships should be handled with proper care and at a time when the mind, the heart as well as the body is ready!!