DON’T SETTLE FOR LESS: A LETTER TO MY DAUGHTER by Esther Wavinya


letters to my daughter
Dear Daughter,
Adulthood is nigh my child. My baby girl, my little adorable baby girl, adulthood is nigh and I want you to know that you are going to grow into such a fine young woman, respected and loved. Like Caesar, you will conquer the world my child, and yet, the world is not as if it were the York in a vulnerable egg shell. See child, to have a fulfilling life, as a human being, or as a woman for that matter, I want you to grow knowing your WORTH. I have lived long enough to realize a simple life’s fact. We get exactly what we are willing to settle for.So my doll, it becomes peaceful only when you want to settle for what is worth your salt. Allow me my child to tell you…

About love and relationships.
Don’t settle for what you don’t deserve my child.Are you in full knowledge of what kind of a general Caesar was? I would like you to think that you are him, only that you are fighting for your worth when it comes to relationships. Fight for what is due to you my child. Don’t be afraid to speak in an abusive relationship. You are the GENERAL remember.
I want to tell you this baby girl; if you want a committed relationship, then don’t settle for a casual one. You might be in one which you thought might have worked for you, then all over a sudden, the boat is wrecked…things go awry…when hope is bleak, then I advise you, as your very own mother, not to keep mum. Speak child. But be clever all the same. If you want a friend with benefits relationship, then why go for commitments? We don’t fish in a tilapia pond when we want tuna for dinner. I should think you know what tuna’s of this world mean and where to find them. If these are the ones you want, then they should make you better not bitter. It is a short life daughter, and we don’t fish for Tilapias…

About men
Have you ever fancied of being the other woman? Are you okay with being used for sexual favors? I’d rather think not. You are my child, and my child will not be the kind of a woman who settles for less. She is a warrior, a vigilante of her own life, and she will not sit down and yawn “it’s alright.” She will not rationalize her partner’s behaviors when they hurt her. She’s not a slave, and not a coward certainly.

Nobody wants to be the only one that’s left standing
Nobody wants to be the only one to understand
And now I’m seeing you the way you are leaving…without me…

Sad. Isn’t it? To be the one that’s left standing, to be the one who understands, the one to be left behind, the one to wait…pain stabs my heart to think that my very own daughter should be this kind of person. You have only one life child. One.

About money.
You are not a parrot baby girl and therefore, I should imagine that you are not in for picking every morsel for your sustenance’s sake from a man. You are not a bird but a woman. I am emancipated, and so should you. A real woman works for her dough.

He who does not work should not eat

The bible states out clearly. Be so kind as to heed these words. Learn to work, to be independent, to be a woman of value to herself and her society. By God, don’t be an alms woman. Don’t beg. If you do, then you will be no better than a foot stool. They will use you for their pleasure. As if you were a rag, they will leave their dust in their wake, and you will become the town dust gatherer, which is worse than being a beggar.
About communicating…. Learn to state your desires. Learn to get what you deserve. Learn to walk away from people who give you less yet you give them more. If you do, you will be left crippled and wounded.As a woman, I want you to know Women set the bar in their romantic relationships. WE have all the power until we start to give it up. You cannot let people walk in your life and treat you badly my baby girl. If people do treat you badly, know your worth and walk away. Always accept the love you deserve.

About commitments
I’d say that it is very harmful if you invested your love and time in a man who doesn’t care a penny about you. A man who never calls, who never texts, always giving excuses…they are a hopeless lot, my child. Don’t be Lot’s wife when it comes to them. Don’t look back when you see the tell signs. Run baby run. You are Cleopatra, and like her, any man wanting your hand should be a Mark Anthony. They say that even rats desert a sinking ship…if he says so, be the rat first.

Back to men.
They are not dogs. And should they be, then you should have a well bred and behaved German shepherd at your disposal. Remember, only a worthy, loyal dog deserves the bone. We don’t breed mongrels, my child. The kind that befoul every wall of the street. In other words, men are calculating creatures. Remember the principle of reflection? It says that we attract what we ourselves are…. Don’t place needs of others before yours, this kills your worth. Making you hating life because you will live a life of pleasing others and eventually become bitter because they will not reciprocate. Life is no fun if you spend it hating yourself because someone didn’t love you back, didn’t treat you right, didn’t know your worth. I mean when someone starts treating you bad, just pack your bags and go. Don’t hold onto them with the hope of them changing. They never will.

Lastly
Baby girl don’t take attention from every dick, Tom, and Harry. Mostly Dick. If you do babe, then you have signed up for disaster. Your life will be complex and monstrous and finding pleasure cancerous. Don’t stay in a relationship that will suck your soul my princess. Don’t sell yourself short my Girl.
The most important word and difficult at the same time to say is a NO. Learn to say NO when you are offered less. Learn to set boundaries, state your worth and walk away if they are not met. Baby, don’t bite yourself when you fall into a pit, you are human and as you journey, you will meet petty thieves, heart cons, to mention but a few. All you need is to discern the real and the fakes. If you fall for a fake one, wake up, dust yourself and walk away. It will hurt you if you stay and try to change a petty thief. He is the way he is because he is suffering from emotional abandonment and ready to drag others into his pit if you down your worth.

Baby never fear to be alone. Don’t fear to leav a relationship that is wrong, abusive and not what you deserve. When you realize the person you love is not capable of loving you the way you want, daughter, run and never look back .Don’t try to fix him, fix you, my angel. You will be surprised how a huge relief it is.
Baby, I will finish by saying, do what you love to do, have hobbies (hope reading will be one of them because the library I am setting is for US not me). Chase your dreams, not love, and love will find you.

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