We are living in a fast-paced world where we value instant gratification above all else. We like our photos filtered, our coffee instant and our relationships on the go. Situationships are pseudo relationships that may smell like real relationships, may look like real relationships but they are not real relationships. In other words, you are stuck in this in-between world where you cannot date anyone else and yet you have no title to fall back on. Situationships are toxic and will never end well.
How do you know you are stuck in a situationship?
If you are in a situation where you need to think before calling a guy your boyfriend, that is what we call a situationship. The number one reason why we have refused to define our relationships is because we are waiting for true love. Why would we define a relationship with someone when the love of our lives can walk by anytime. So, we avoid tying ourselves down. At the same time, we don’t want to be lonely. The problem with this kind of thing is that we are not trying anymore. We only call or text when we need something; sex, a favor. It is as if we are scared that if we put in work we might end up liking this person who is not our soul mate. Fairy tales have destroyed us in this sense. So, we fall into being ambiguous. ambiguous is easy to walk away from.
Let’s play pretend
There is a new phenomenon where we lie about it being unhealthy for us to show off that we have girlfriends or boyfriends on social platforms because it will spell doom to the relationships. The same people with this argument will post their cool watch or t-shirt on social media to show how good life is. Does the watch suddenly lose value? Of course not. Hiding relationships don’t make them stronger it just makes them less real. Of course, you are not supposed to drag the courtship process and disagreements on Facebook but if it is a real relationship people need to know it is a relationship. No, flooding your Timeline with Photos of each other every waking moment is never a good idea, it is actually pretty stupid. Bottom line is let people know you are off the market.
Your house or mine and Meeting the Squad
If he always insist on meeting you in his house or yours, sweety, you are in a situationship. Yeah! you may think you are pretty special because you know where he lives but chances are he is hiding you from people who know him. Look for the signs, like are you only talking to make plans for the next Netflix and chill? If there are no good morning or good night texts or just some random phone call to talk about random things you are not in a relationship. John insists that the best way a girl will know she is special to him is if he introduces her to his squad. “Before you meet the guys you are just some random”, chick he said.
Situationships have no rules
With Friends With Benefit, there is actually a structure and laid down plan. When to call, when to end it and how to shave that sort of thing. Situationships, on the other hand, have no structure, you simply don’t know where you stand. According to Irene, situantionships arise because of lack of communication. You meet a guy, you like them, you probably have sex then you start to wonder who you are to him. You feel it will be too forward to ask what you are. Especially since you have been led to believe that this is not a good question to ask guys. According to her, you should grow some balls and ask. It hurts more if you assume you are exclusive with someone then they decide to walk out when they want to. you may ‘date’ someone for ten years then you find out he is marrying someone he met two weeks ago on a business trip.
It has been argued that we are living in a changing world were dating is not as it used to be. People are just not so much into solid companionship any more. Real relationship takes time and patience which we don’t have. There is some truth in that statement but we need to understand that we don’t have to just walk into any situation just for the sake. Dating is like the playground of marriage for those who will get married. If you don’t put in effort now, you may lack the patience to see a marriage through.
In essence, Situationships are brought about by fear and lack of communication. Bottom line, a real relationship has commitments and exclusivity and a strong foundation and titles. If you are not ready for that you had better tell the person you are with so that they decide where they stand.